Sunday, October 26, 2014
Spontaneous Human Combustion! — Tweeted Mystery "The Golden Parachute" Continues
Here are Week 92 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!
Body Part R Us lab techs arrive and set up plastic walls just outside the safe room door. At that same moment, Rixey's Swat Team appears.
At the door Dot says "Nobody comes in here without full Hazmat gear. Phil, get us ready for Isolation. Take samples here, here and there."
Regi says "Farley locked himself alone in this impenetrable room. How can this pink film be all that's left? Where is the rest of him?"
I wave my hand. "That's him all over. Dot will identify the remains." "And if it is him?" "Rixey's team will figure out who liquidated him."
"You think he was murdered?" "Someone gave him a shellacking, actually turning him into shellac." "Who would want to kill him like that?"
"To find out I need to know three things: What was the motive for the murder? What was the method? What is this stuff we just stepped into?"
I ask Dot "Could this stuff be tapioca?" "No" he says "That's highly unlikely." "It looks just like pink tapioca." "Believe me, it's not."
Dot's words reassure me. Tapioca always turns my stomach. Regi asks "Can he have done this to himself?" "I doubt he blew apart on his own."
"You don't believe in spontaneous human combustion?" "Where someone just bursts into flame without any obvious cause?" "It could happen."
"No. In a world of 7 billion people we don’t hear of anyone bursting apart while strolling down the street or sipping coffee at Starbucks."
"Maybe it was accidental." "No! It was cold-blooded murder!" Dot says "Who would kill Farley? Everyone liked him." Regi says "Not everyone.”
They look in my direction. "Me? I’ve got nothing against Farley. Sure, he impersonated his dead brother to send me on a wild goose chase."
He may have thought I'd die in the effort or come back totally discredited. When I succeeded he took a shot at me to avoid paying my fee."
"He humiliated me, put my life at risk multiple times, jeopardized Regi and owed me a lot of money. Those are hardly motives for murder."
Rixey says "I'm not so sure about that." He holds up his cell phone. "According to your own tweets, you and Farley had quite an argument."
I read from my self-reported skirmish with Farley "Don't make me take that gun away from you." Like a swift gut punch I realize the truth!
"Rixey, you follow me on Twitter?" "Only when I have to." There, preserved forever in my own words, is the account of my fight with Farley.
My own tweets incriminate me! Rixey says "Here is motive enough." "You really believe I turned Farley into a coating of pink molecules?"
"How did I do it?" "You could have done it with a few ounces of C4." "Which I didn't have." "Or some other kind of hypercorrosive compound."
"I don't know what that means." "Not the first time." "Rixey, you're grasping at straws! There's no way you can connect me to this crime."
Dot says "You may have had motive enough, but not the opportunity. You and Regi have been inseparable since you came here." Regi says "Um."
(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)