Sunday, March 1, 2015

Overcrowded Prisons — Tweeted Mystery "The Golden Parachute" Continues

Here are Week 110 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!

Covering the mouthpiece I said "Remind me never to make a call from jail in the future." "Everyone here wishes you'd stop in the present."

Ignoring them I resumed "How can you live like the Sun orbits Earth?" Behind me someone said "It doesn't?" Someone else said "Yes it does."

Regi said "Everyone still thinks Earth is center of the universe. We still say 'sunrise' and 'sunset.'" I gave up. "OK Forget all that."

I reached an impasse. "I was sent to find you because someone is trying to change all of reality as we know it." "Oh please!" someone cried.

Defiantly turning to face the mob behind me, I said "That's the paradigm shift." In unison Regi and Big Guy exclaimed "Who told you that?"

"I thought your father's ghost clone or maybe Farley pretending to be your father's ghost." Someone in back shouted "You believe in ghosts?"

"NO, I DON'T BELIEVE IN GHOSTS BUT I KNOW HOW TO MAKE ONE! NOW BACK OFF!" I realized I just yelled that into the phone. "Sorry about that."

From the earpiece Regi whispered "Are you OK?" The crowd of detainees waiting to phone pressed forward again. "Just a little prison banter."

Regi said "Did someone hit you in the head?" Huh? Was Regi implying my talk of ghosts and her uncle pretending to be a ghost sounded crazy?

I had to set her mind at ease "No." I said "I know now it wasn't any of them who sent me on this quest." "Who was it?" "I still don't know."

A familiar voice interrupted “To continue please deposit twenty five cents." Where had I heard that voice before? "I've got to hang up."

I knew that voice! Regi said "You haven't answered my question." "Which is?" "Why am I tweeting?" There was a 'CLICK' and we were cut off.

I was out of quarters and time. I hung up and turned to face those in line. Everyone else in the cell left their benches to stand before me.

Big Guy said "You done with that phone call?" "Who wants to know?" Most of my cellmates raised their hands. "Well then, yes I am." "Good."

Big Guy stepped to the phone and deposited a quarter. The rest returned to their benches or remained in line. I looked for a place to sit.

Nothing. Every available space was taken. Would I stand all night? I looked through bars at an empty mirror-image cell across the corridor.

Above the cell door was painted one word "Felons." I leaned over, but I couldn't read the sign above our cell. I thought WE were the felons.

Behind me I heard snoring. Could my sleepy cellmates actually be felons? If we were all felons, why put us all in this one overcrowded cell?

I realized that we hadn't yet been convicted of anything, just detained. We were potential felons, not actual ones. Except me, of course.

As I considered this Big Guy finished his call, walked over to a bench and said "Move over." The smaller guy laying along the bench sat up.

THAT was how to do it! I surveyed the cell, chose a likely candidate and strolled over to the bench he occupied. "Move over." No response.

(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at 

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