Saturday, October 4, 2014

Them Crazy Bones — Tweeted Mystery "The Golden Parachute" Continues!

Here are Week 89 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!

Regi says to the Concierge "Are you sure Farley's safe room has no plumbing?" "Yes. That would have represented a possible entry point."

"So he always wears an adult diaper?" "No. That would be ridiculous. He takes a chamber pot into his safe room." "He goes potty?" "Yes."

I say "Not at all ridiculous." Rixey says "So your diaper idea is full of holes." "At least we're dealing with a perp who's potty trained."

"He's taken a step forward from diapers. Can you say the same?" Not rising to the bait, Rixey says "Same difference. He's not coming out."

"Forcing this door might injure Granger." "That's a risk I'm willing to take." The concierge says "You'll be billed for anything you break."

Rixey waves his arm dismissively. The Concierge says "Is police work always like this?" Regi says "I'm new to the scene. I wouldn't know."

Rixey's cops return carrying a crowbar and a screwdriver. "What is that?" "We figured that if we can't force the door we can unhinge it."

"The hinges are on the inside." "Oh. We'll pry it open." They insert the crowbar between door and frame and bracing four hands, pull hard.

The Concierge says "The door is reinforced. I doubt you can move it.” Sweat appears on their foreheads. They pull back with visible effort.

"You wimps!" Rixey grabs the end of the crowbar and puts his weight into it. The cops join in. "BREAK DOWN DAMN IT!" Dr. Dot walks over.

Dot asks "What are they trying to do?" "They are trying to break into Farley's safe room." "Why do they want to do that?" "To arrest him."

"Why do they want to arrest him?" "He shot at me and hit Regi." "Makes sense. Why didn't they ask me for the key?" "You have a key?" "Yes."

Dot had the key to Farley Granger's shielded room all along! I look past him to where Rixey and his two cops are struggling with the door.

The efforts to force the door appear fruitless. Straining against the crowbar, Rixey has turned a dark plum, veins bulging on his forehead.

One of the cops clutches his chest and drops to the ground. "I'm OK. I got a cramp" he gasps. Regi says "We should tell him." "In a minute."

"Dot, why are you here?" "I have Willum Granger's second autopsy results." "What's new?" "He died from splitting in two." "I knew that."

"Now we know twice." "Nothing else?" "Someone put his halves together." "I knew that too." "They did a sloppy job." "I didn't know that."

"A really inept post-mortem reconnection. The foot bone's not connected to the leg bone; the leg bone's not connected to the knee bone."

"Rixey and the cops go "OOMPH!" "The thigh bone's not connected to the hip bone; the hip bone's not connected to the back bone." "UMPH!"

"What does it mean?" "Them bones ain't gonna walk around." "I didn't think they would." "Yet somehow they've wandered from the cemetery."

"I'm looking into that." The crowbar slips from the door frame sending the three cops flying. Rixey shouts "OW! I've broken my finger bone!"

(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at 

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