Sunday, November 10, 2013
The New Chris Christie Minstrels! - The Golden Parachute Continues!
Here are Week 42 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!
"Stay behind me" I tell Regi. "I'll handle this." I can't stay behind you if you turn sideways like that. Why did you take off your jacket?"
The man who gets out of the damaged car is not the Chancellor or his accountant goons. "Who are you?" he asks. "I'm Detective Arkaby. Sup?"
He's big, but he's not holding a weapon, so I have the advantage. With my free hand I remove my necktie. "Why are you taking off your tie?"
"Getting ready. Tell your boss I've uncovered the bodies of his little island scam. From now on he'll be sipping his milk at prison bars."
"Keep your pants on. I got no business with you. I want her." "What do you want with me?" He tosses an envelope. "Consider yourself served."
"What's this?" "Your student loan's past due. Drop outa school you gotta pay up." "I just left!" "What I said." He gets back in his car.
He's a delinquent student loan process server! I'm not ready for that. Regi reads the summons. "Those bastards want my entire student loan!"
Through a shattered window he says "You'll get a bill for golf damages." "Good luck with that. No one forced you to drive into monkey golf."
"Since when do monkeys golf at night?" "You're not from the Chancellor?" "Last I saw the Chancellor he was losing a duel to another monkey."
He starts his engine. "What's the deal with all the monkeys?" "You'd know better than me." Regi crumples up the summons. "You son of bitch."
"See that bag over there?" "Um, Regi." "That bag contains my dead father's body which your boss plans to dissect in an anatomy lab." "Regi…"
"Hey! Don't blame the messenger!" "When I bring this university's owners to their knees I'll make sure to put your ass in a sling too."
He flashes his middle finger and drives off. I say "It might not have been a great idea to let him know we pinched your dad's cadaver."
David says "Threatening him personally wasn't too bright either." "F#%k him and both of you too" Regi proposes and stalks into the hanger.
How did that process server find her so fast? "I'd better go talk to her. While I do, load the body onto your plane." "Where are we going?"
"Let me make a few calls. Just make sure your tank is full." "My tank is always full." With some trepidation, I entered the hanger. "Regi?"
I repeat "Regi?" No answer. I can imagine what she's going through. Four years ago she lost her only father in a CSI-style assassination.
Though we captured her father's murderer, his legacy of ruined businesses and failed scientific investigation continues. That has to smart.
It can't have been easy growing up with a father obsessed with palindromes, who rewrote his own DNA to read the same backwards and forwards.
Granger's methods were questionable at best and criminal at worst. Like the worst pulp fiction mad scientists, he experimented on himself.
Regi's mother is a beekeeper who can't keep her bees. That must sting. We once met in her Beeviary, which is like an Aviary, only for bees.
(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)