Sunday, September 22, 2013

Transhumanists Are People Too! – The Golden Parachute Continues!

Here are Week 36 @Twitstery tweets of "The Golden Parachute" the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!

"I was so busy, first investigating the school stateside. Then the admissions tests and application paperwork. Once I got in, the workload."

"All for naught! I've discovered nothing except anatomy is hard!" "Regi, this is your father." "And don't get me started about biochem!"

"By the way, who was the woman answering your phone in the middle of the night?" "That's not important right now. Did you hear what I said?"

Regi looks at me. "What?" "This is your father." "Baloney." She nods toward the cadaver's erection. "This fellow clearly has been embalmed."

"Considering how he split we chose not to have Dad preserved. All that's left by now is bones and goop." "Dads make lousy preserves anyway."

Regi frowns. Her father, Willum Granger, was cut in two, severed by a tragic combination of fast acting sutures and a call to post ringtone.

"How can I prove this was your father?" "My Dad had a birthmark on his butt shaped like Philadelphia." "The city?" "No. The cream cheese."

"I don't know Philadelphia." Regi lifts up the cadaver. "Let's take a look. I don't see a Philly birthmark. This one looks like Houston."

"It's upside down." "It IS Philadelphia. OH MY GOD!" She drops the body and after pausing briefly throws a modesty cloth over its erection.

Regi says "I never cared for Philadelphia." "Houston's not great either. What was Granger's connection?" "None. It was just a birthmark."

"I may be sick!" "You're a cop. Get a grip" "No thanks." Regi peels off her gloves. "How can Dad's body be intact and be here?" "And why?"

"Do you finally accept that these are the mortal remains of your father, Willum Granger?" "More like the immortal remains. Isn't it ironic?"

"Why is being here ironic?" "He shouldn't be anywhere." "You said you didn't have him embalmed. How do you explain his still being around?"

"Dad sought immortality through self-cloning and gene manipulation. Maybe altering his DNA made him unpalatable to tissue-eating microbes."

"An unexpected consequence of transhumanism." "Trans what?" "Dad believed in using technology to help humans evolve beyond current limits."

"He made himself transhuman to live forever. Now that he's dead it appears we can't get rid of him." "He's mortally immortal?" "Perhaps."

"Transhumanists believe death is not an absolute event. It is a grey area negotiable with modern medicine." "So the dead can come back?"

"The point is that reversing the near-death experience lends itself to therapeutic intervention. No one can be reanimated after true death."

"Are you sure? Not long ago your father visited my office. He was very animated." "I don't know who you saw. It can't have been my Dad."

We look at the cadaver, who may be transhuman, but nonetheless remains inanimate. "Granted, it's unlikely that I saw your actual father."

"He was a convincing restoration and he challenged me to find you." "And so you have. This cadaver is proof you've been chasing shadows."

(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)

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