"Wait!" I shout "I need to speak to one of your directors!" There is a brief pause and then the IVR says "Why didn't you say that before?"
"You never offered the option." A pause. "Press 1 for Dr. Dot. Press 2 for Dr. Dash." So Dot and Dash still co-directed Body Parts R Us.
When I last saw Dot and Dash, properly Dr. Dot and Dr. Dash, they locked horns poetically over who was the true head of Body Parts R Us.Trading assonants like schoolyard brawlers, the docs went from bad to verse. I revoked their poetic licentiousness with an ill-chosen word.
Don't get me wrong. Like any mixed metaphor hardboiled gumshoe, I scan poetry a couplet at a time and I like it long, lean and onomatopoeic.Dot and Dash took it a quatrain too far. Dash thought teasing his rival by rhyming his speech would force him out. Dot resisted the muse.
On the chance Dash might still rhyme, I press 1. "Yes?" "Dr. Dot? Arkaby here. We met back during the Granger affair." "I remember you.""What is it, Arkaby? "I just received a very interesting message." "And after all this time you couldn't wait to call me up and tell me?"
"What would you say if I told you Willum Granger delivered it?" "Were you conducting a séance?" "No. It was a message without a medium."
"Was Granger delivering his message in corpus delicti or was it his spirit come back from the beyond?" "That's what I'm trying to find out.""I think the spirits you presently are involved with having nothing to do with the afterlife.” "One man's present is another's hereafter."
"It's been great catching up with you. Good luck on your spirit quest." "Wait. I have a question about a different kind of corpus delicti.""Can we do this another time? Our IVR system is giving us trouble." "I noticed. Have you built any Granger clones out of his spare parts?"
"What?" "I just encountered Granger's body double. Did your lab rats reconstruct him from parts at hand?" "Cloning doesn't work that way.""We produce clones to replace or improve body parts, not to reconstruct a whole human being." "So you're saying clones don't make the man?"
"I'm categorically denying we created a clone of Willum Granger. I don't know who you just saw, but it wasn't him." "It was like his twin.""Well either you saw a ghost or perhaps Granger himself time travelled to the present." "Time travel? Seriously? Why waste my time on time?
"If Granger could time travel why would he come to me? Why wouldn't he go save Socrates or prevent the Library of Alexandria from burning?""I'd be happy if he stopped your grandfather from meeting your grandmother." "Too late for that. Time travel just isn't what it used to be."
"But that’s all waters under the timebridge. You're lying about creating a clone of Granger. What about the copy in your Genetics Museum?"Regi and I had stumbled into the Body Parts R Us Genetics Museum during our exploration of their possible connection to Granger's murder.
(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)