Saturday, February 27, 2016

We Don't Have to Make This Awkward — Live-Tweeted Mystery "The Golden Parachute" Continues

Here are Week 162 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!

I whisper to Regi "I've still got an AI on my phone!" "Me too. Try turning off your cell data." Dot says "Why are you shutting down the AI?"

"It thinks it can find God by finding the God Particle." "The Higgs Boson? It's already been found!" "We know, but try telling the AI that."

"Whoever you are, you're wrong about the Phone AI. It's been nothing but helpful." "You really don't know who I am?" "Never saw you before."

Regi says "Dot, he's with me." "Ah. And who is he?" "Never mind. The AI turned Body Parts R Us into an accelerator." "That's not possible."

"Ask it." Dot lifts his phone. "Is this true?" "Yes." "Why turn this campus into a particle accelerator?" "To link to other accelerators."

Dot doesn't look happy. "Why do you want to do that?" "To search for a higher power." Regi whispers "Just like the IVR AI in our timeline!"

Dot switches his phone off. "This is terrible." "We know. We can't use WIFI anymore." "It's worse. This AI is trying to link accelerators."

"It may do worse than find God." "What's worse than that?" "Ever heard of catastrophic vacuum decay?” "In artificially intelligent vacuums?"

"AI vacuum cleaners? No! It's a quantum bubble expanding at the speed of light and decimating the entire universe." "And that would be bad."

"That would be bad." "Worse than a paradigm shift?" "Huh?" "When the AI linked all the accelerators in the past it changed the present."

"Nonsense!" Regi says "Dot! We just came back from visiting my father before he died." "Your father isn't dead!" "Not now, but he was once."

My phone is still turned off or I'd show Dot tweets from Granger's original murder…except the AI claims to have erased my Twitter archive.

Good thing I'm backed up. Regi repeats "We've must find Dad!" Before I answer, my antagonist, Rixey, rounds a curve. "Rixey?" "Hello Boss."

Boss? "Yeah right. What do you want now?" "I'm responding to a homicide report. As the SO present, it's your crime scene." "Senior Officer?"

"Rixey, what are you talking about?" "You're Chief of Detectives. Have you secured the body?" "Give me a minute." I take Regi aside again.

"What's going on? First Dot says your father never died and now Rixey calls me Boss." "I don't know. Give me a minute. Let me speak to Dot."

Regi speaks briefly to Dot and returns. "According to Dot you were never a patient here." Never a patient? That means I don't owe $30,000!

Our time travel has changed everything! I'm rid of debt, head of my police unit and my personnel file is free of any bizarre murder cases!

All of my troubles began that fateful day I discovered Willum Granger's severed body. Have the IVR AI’s machinations given me a clean slate?

In one fell swoop we have saved Granger's life, destroyed the IVR AI, eliminated my debt to Body Parts R Us and made Rixey my subordinate.

Never I have felt so free! By an amazing twist of fate the IVR AI has solved my mysteries, resolved my conflicts and cancelled my debts!

The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery

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