Here are Week 122 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!
Stuart says "Ah yes. Willum, the Unsevered Executive. What was he doing in that Caribbean hell?" "Not rotting." "Do you think he was mad?"
"Well, he wasn't too pleased about it." "He was definitely nuts to mess with his DNA." Regi shouts "HE WAS ALSO MY FATHER AND YOUR BROTHER!"
Regi continues "I'M TIRED OF MY FATHER'S BODY BEING TOSSED AROUND LIKE SOME WORN-OUT METAPHOR IN A SECOND-RATE MYSTERY NOVEL. KNOCK IT OFF!"
"Easy Regi. No one is objectively correlativing your father." "Oh no? Dad modified and cloned nearly every part of his body. Deal with it."
"That's what Dad wanted." Stuart says "The question isn't what. The question is why." "Why what?" "Why did Willum do that to himself?"
With arms folded, Regi frowns. "I once asked him that." "What did he say?" "He said if we don't do it to ourselves, it will be done to us."
Stuart says "I knew it!" I say "What?" "They said he was crazy but I knew it!" "What?" "Willum was getting ready. I KNEW IT!" "KNEW WHAT?"
Regi says "Let me handle this. Uncle Stuart, what did Dad know and when did he know it?" "There's an essential question you haven't asked."
I know the question. "That's easy. Why did Willum Granger rewrite his DNA into palindromes?" Stuart sighs. "That isn't the right question."
Now I'm puzzled. While replacing every body part with augmented clones Granger resequenced his DNA to read the same backwards and forwards.
He was so palindrome obsessed that he wed Rachel Lechar for her name and created a palindrome moniker for their daughter Regna R.G. Granger.
Stuart says "The real question is: Why did Body Parts R Us do all of Granger's augmented clone surgery? Why were they building a superman?"
Regi asks "What do you mean augmented clone surgery?" I know the answer to that. "Nothing. It didn't work. All he got were DNA palindromes."
"That's horrible!" "Yes. It's sometimes impossible to coordinate final to formal cause." Stuart says "You're still not thinking about why."
"I give up. Why did Willum Granger modify his DNA and replace his body parts?" "Isn't it obvious? He was anticipating the Singularity."
"Willum wanted to prepare for when there might be no tools." "What do you mean?" "What happens when computers become smarter than people?"
"What?" "They kill all humans." "You predict total human genocide?" "Not really, but they might turn humans back to low-tech societies."
"No tools, no threat to the Singularity." "How does Dad becoming Superman change that? Does he smash the machine?" "Nothing so dramatic."
"Regi, ask yourself, why would anyone want the ability to leap a tall building, outpower a locomotive or run faster than a speeding bullet?"
I know that one, but before I can answer “To stop bad guys” Regi says "That's easy. When men feel a lack of self-worth, they show off."
"I mean REAL superheroes." "There are no REAL superheroes. Only superhero worshippers." I say "To stop bad guys, right?" They both say "No!"
(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)