Sunday, July 14, 2013

The Human/Monkey/Banana Connection - The Golden Parachute Continues!

Here are Week 26 @Twitstery tweets of "The Golden Parachute" the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance

"Naturally. And what happens if you put an infinite number of monkeys on an infinite number of golf courses?" "They just monkey around?"

"They make all the great shots." "That's medical research?" "I hear the school uses monkey cage space stats to recruit superstar faculty."

"Huh?" "On top of salary, the medical school offers new hires monkey cages." "They come teach for golfing monkeys?" "Par for the courses."

We pass a clearing where a waterfall tumbles into a clear pool. A monkey tees off, someone shouts "Fore!" and the ball flies over our heads.

"Which came first, the golfing monkeys or the banana plantations?" "The plantations were an afterthought when some monkeys got loose."

"The Marleys is so far down here in the Caribbean they need hiring incentives." "The Marleys?" "Yeah. That's what students call the school."

"Short for Bob Marley School of Medicine." "They're into Reggae here?" "Among other things." A golf ball bounces off the side of the jeep.

I begin to see how the jeep got all the dings and dents. "So monkey cages help catch faculty superstars?" "They don't come for the climate."

David says "Did you know monkeys and humans are nearly identical genetically?" "Oh?" "And about 50% of human and banana DNA is the same."

A Monkey/Man/Banana DNA link? If I understand correctly, monkeys are our close relations and humans are half bananas. The notion has appeal.

A golf ball whizzes through my side of the jeep, nicks my nose and continues out the other side. OUCH! "Don't roll up the window" David says

"Better to get hit by a golf ball than broken glass." I rub my nose. "Can you go faster?" "OK. Buckle up." I realize what I've said. "WAIT!"

Thump! Another mulligan by monkeys who have gone from swinging branches to swinging golf clubs. Thump! David hits the gas and we take off.

We fly down the narrow, twisting track all Toad of Toad Hall. At the jungle edge the road drops abruptly and the jeep is truly airborne.

"LOWER THE JEEP! LOWER THE JEEP!" I shout. "WHAT?" David replies. "YOU'RE DRIVING TOO HIGH!" We hit the road hard, bounce and continue on.

"What does 'Lower the jeep' mean?" David asks. "YOU ARE A HACK DRIVER!" "True. Next time you should say 'YEE-HAH!'" "DON'T DO THAT AGAIN!"

We leave the mountain golf path and drive through a busy industrial sector. In my dark jacket and tie I'm ill-suited for the Caribbean heat.

I ask "For future reference, do you own a boat I should avoid hiring?" "I have a water taxi business back in the states." "Good to know."

We sail along the smooth four-laner in a uneasy silence. After a time, we reach a turning point. "We can't go on like this." David says.

We reach a crossroads. An ill-paved path leads away from road. I say "Can't go on what way?" "On the highway. The campus is down this road."

After our time fast driving on the wrong side of the highway, the side road looks fine to me. "Let's go." "I can't take my jeep there."

(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)

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